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Divorce attacks man's self-esteem. Feeling good about yourself is one of the first things you must achieve after divorce. Make yourself and your living space beautiful for only one person - you. Spoil yourself, get macho; rearrange your furniture or wardrobe; take a trip to some place you always wanted to visit; go to see a special movie or do number of other things you always wanted to do. The important thing is to do something that makes you feel good.

At this stage you are all on your own and you must never be afraid to make mistakes or fall down once or twice along the way. It is just as if you are seventeen years old again and just beginning new life on your own. It is like a baby learning to walk – he is going to stumble or fall a couple of times. Nonetheless by continuing to try, he eventually not only walks but finds he can run as well. So is rebuilding your life after a divorce.

It will be hard but the sooner you start dating, the easier it will be for you to regain your emotional well being. At first, even though you have to force yourself, you should just go out and associate with other people. See for yourself that other people do not immediately recognise you as a divorced man, a loser or a failure.

In the course of recovering from a painful divorce, it is not unusual for a man to go through a number of brief sexual affairs. With some, there is a flurry of sexual activity - followed by periods of celibacy - and maybe a special steady girlfriend for a while. This kind of activity is sometimes necessary and definitely a part of a healing process for some.

Almost all people who have gone through a divorce go through at least one transitional partner during their healing process. This is a person that seems to be the answer to all problems – she is a special girlfriend that eases a divorced man through the trauma – she is kind and respectful; she is a good listener; she is sensitive to man's needs and never demanding; she even fulfils man's sexual needs.

It is great to find and be involve with such a transitional partner but do not end up marrying her. You may care a lot about her and feel secure that she the one to replace your ex-wife. Do not marry this woman. Do not spoil the relationship, she is a good friend; just enjoy your time with her. What you may be feeling at this stage is only an oasis in the middle of a desert. Do not even feel bad when you eventually break off such a relationship because some people are born to nurture others back to good health. In most cases your real happiness is the only reward she really wants. Who is to say that you will not someday be a transitional partner for someone who is hurting just as you once did?

Finally, there are the problems of boredom and loneliness. In order to eliminate boredom and loneliness from your life, you must first understand that both of these problems are self-induced. That is, if you are bored or lonely, it is because you are allowing yourself to be.

Boredom is generally a form of self-induced emotional anaesthesia and self-pity. Remember that you are responsible for your own boredom. When you are bored all you have to do is tune your mind to positive aspects of life and very soon your mind will be filled with hundred things to do.

Whenever you are bored, get involved in something. Do not allow yourself to sit and do nothing. Write letters or send e-mails to relatives or friends. Bake a pie or visit a neighbour. Get out and spruce up your garden or take a drive and see what changes have taken place in and around your area. Join a singles social club and attend some of their functions; enrol in a self-improvement course or two; visit a trade show and to see and experience new and exciting products on the market.

Loneliness and boredom are common sickness among divorcees. Loneliness on the other hand is another variation of boredom. A person feels lonely when they can not think of anything they want to do other than feeling sorry for themselves. Cure yourself by socialising with other people. People are social beings. So long as you shut yourself up and avoid mixing with others socially, you will be lonely. To be happy, you have to make yourself accessible and available to others.

To recover from the trauma of divorce, you have to understand the nature of the injury - apply the proper medicine - allow enough time for the healing process to be completed - and all the while be positive that tomorrow will be a happier day for you. It is a kind of therapy that only you can apply and control - the results are entirely up to you.

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	Other Articles on Relationships

A Divorce Survival for Men I, II & III

A Divorce Survival for Women I, II & III

Relationship Is A Choice

Phases of Recovering From Divorce