Divorce Guide for Men

Life after divorce for men

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Divorce is a painful experience.

After being divorced or in the process of being divorced you will become so angry with your ex-wife, the world and even God.

This emotional state will be so overwhelming that hatred and revenge end up being the only things on your mind. At this stage you must know that you are only going one way, down. Expression of anger is good and it is recommended but you must not over step the line and start hating because hatred will consume and leave you hollow inside.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person your own sense of hurt and frustration. It is such a volatile and consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive. You must understand your anger and manage it in a manner that will benefit you - that is you must manage it such that it enables you to regain your emotional health.

A few things you might want think about doing: Write a letter to your children and tell them all about your marriage. Write about how you met, your dreams and your hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each one of you made and how beyond the control of either party the marriage just came to an end.

You may also consider writing a detailed letter to your ex-wife or soon-to-be ex-wife and express your anger in the best way you can. Tell her everything there is to tell but do not post the letter as she can use it against you. Instead put your letter in safe place and only read it to amuse yourself. If after some time you find your letter funny and you are able to laugh at yourself, then it is a good sign that you on your way to recovery. If you find yourself crying, it might be a long road ahead but it is not a hopeless situation.

If writing letters is not your thing, stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angry confrontation with your ex-wife and/or third parties involved. To enhance the recovery process, make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find a friend who will listen as you explain your frustrations, hurt, and hopelessness.

Talking about your hurtful feelings to a person you trust is always a better option, it is a relief-valve that soothes the inner pain. Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that you let all your anger out. The anger and bitterness you feel is like a poison that must be cleanse from your soul. The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life - regain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, a day will come when you will no longer be bothered by thoughts of your ex-wife. It will not even bother you when you see her with another man. This will be the day when you have finally accepted the fact that your a divorced man. This will be day when you stand a chance to start afresh and take a swipe at happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your ex-wife to accepting the fact that you do not want her if she does not want you and eventually positioning yourself for a second chance will not come easy. In fact, it will take you about two or three years, sometime more. You must understand the damage you have sustained, the healing that is required and the time it is going to take to get well again. Too often men still in the recovery stages of a divorce, jump into a new marriages before they are ready. And when the "bomb explodes" the second time, the trauma is more painful and the recovery is even harder than the first time.

It is imperative that you cut yourself off from your ex-wife as quickly as possible. As soon as that it is achieved, you must immediately set about analysing your life going forward. You need to determine exactly what you want and then take the necessary steps towards achieving it.

First, you have to know what you want, then you have to know what you have to do in order to get what you want and finally, you have to start moving in the right direction to end up with what you want. In other words, if you do not know what you want or how to get it, you will be without purpose or direction in life and an easy target for "gold diggers".

Knowing what you want is underpinned by setting goals. Unless you set goals, you will just drift along purposelessly. Use this terrible time in your life as a time for introspection and new beginnings. Think about yourself and start taking baby-steps towards the man you should be. Stop mourning your divorce; pick yourself up and get onto a highway to bigger and better things in your life - total happiness, success and more love!

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