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Divorce is a painful experience. After being divorced or in the process of being divorced you will become so angry with your ex-husband, the world and even God. This emotional state will be so overwhelming that hatred and revenge end up being the only things on your mind. Deep hatred serve no purpose other than bringing down its owner. Expression of anger on the other hand is good and it is recommended but you must not over step the line and start hating.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. It is such a volatile and consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive. You must try to understand your anger and manage it in a manner that will benefit you, that is your expression of your anger must help you regain your emotional health. The only cure for anger is its opposite - calm. When emotions of anger fill your heart, start looking for or do something that will bring calm to your heart.

A few things you might want think about doing: Write a letter to your children and tell them a complete story of your marriage. Write about how you and your ex-husband met, your dreams and your hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each one of you made and how beyond the control of either party the marriage just came to an end.

You may also consider writing a detailed letter to your ex-husband or soon-to-be ex-husband. Express your anger in the best way you can. Tell him everything there is to tell but do not post the letter as he can use it against you. Instead put your letter in safe place and later read it to amuse yourself. If after some time you find your letter funny and you are able to laugh at yourself, then it is a good sign that you are on your way to recovery. If you find yourself still crying, it might be a long road ahead but it is not a hopeless situation.

If writing letters is not your thing, stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angry confrontation with your ex-husband and/or third parties involved. To enhance the recovery process, make an appointment with your priest, psychologist, life coach or find a friend who will listen as you explain your frustrations, hurt and hopelessness. Talking about your hurtful feelings to a person you trust is always a better option, it is a relief-valve that soothes the inner pain.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that you let all you anger out. The anger and bitterness you feel is like a poison that must be cleanse from your soul. The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life - regain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there will come a day when you will no longer be bothered by thoughts of your ex-husband. It will not even bother you when you see him with another woman and that will be the day when you have finally accepted the fact that your are a divorced woman. That will be indication that you have managed to flush you ex-husband out of your system and you may be on your way to happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your ex-husband to accepting the fact that you do not want him if he does not want you and eventually positioning yourself for a second chance will not come easy. In fact, it will take you about two to three years, sometimes more. You must understand the damage you have sustained, the healing that is required and the time it is going to take to get well again. Too often women still in the recovery stages of a divorce, jump into a new marriage before they are ready. And when the "bomb explodes" the second time, the trauma is more painful and the recovery is even harder than the first time.

It is imperative that you cut yourself off from your ex-husband as quickly as possible. As soon as that it is achieved, you must immediately set about analysing your life going forward. You need to determine exactly what you want and then take necessary steps towards achieving it.

First, you have to know what it is that you want. Then you have to know what you have to do in order to get what you want. And finally, you have to start moving in the right direction to end up with what you want. In other words, if you do not know what you want or how to get it, you will be without purpose or direction in life and consequently you will be an easy target for scavengers out there.

The process of knowing what you want is underpinned by setting goals. Unless you set goals for yourself, you will just drift along without purpose. Use this terrible time of your life as a time for introspection and new beginnings. Think about yourself and start taking baby-steps towards the woman you should be. Stop mourning your divorce; pick yourself up and get onto the highway to bigger and better things in your life - total happiness, success and more love!

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A Divorce Survival for Women I, II & III

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