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self-esteem - what you think of yourself in relation to other people - is one of
the important ingredients to your
success or failure in life.
Think good about yourself and you will succeed. Think disparagingly of
yourself, you will most probably not succeed.
Regardless of whether you are
the perpetrator or the victim, the experience of going through a divorce is
going to damage your self-esteem. In fact, the blow dealt to one's self-esteem
by divorce is lethal enough to drive anyone to the brink of insanity especially
if it comes with loss of assets.
What you must do is to think
of your divorce - the end of your marriage – in the same way as you would with
the death of your spouse. Basically that is what it is; dissolution of
There is a period of grief; a
period of feeling guilty because you did not do or say all the things you might
have; a period of anger because things did not pan out as planned; a period of
reconciliation in which you think maybe if you try again it will all work out
and finally a period of acceptance. After acceptance you will enter a period of
success or prosperity provided you prepared yourself well.
Any normal divorced person has
either lived through each of these
recovery phases or is still going through them. It is all normal and a part
of the necessary healing process that has to take place before you are able to
recognize and enjoy happiness again.
Even so, the most important
and the very first thing you must do following the break-up of any kind of
relationship is to get started on the rebuilding of your self-esteem and
reorganising your life for success. This means that you have to accept the fact
that neither you nor anyone else is perfect. Make a commitment that you will
learn from your mistakes and aspire to be the best.
Immediately after divorce, get
out and do something that makes you feel good – something you have wanted to do
for some time or always wanted to do. This could be touring overseas, studying,
enrolling in a special self-development course, starting a business or taking a
post in different city.
Whatever you do, do not lock
yourself in your house or apartment. You must not be afraid to get out and
associate with other people. You must not stop wanting to enjoy life; success is
just around the corner.
You may have to force yourself
to go out or be seen with people of the opposite sex. It may be difficult
at the beginning but with time it will feel normal again. Yes, you could be
mourning your loss but life must carry on. You must go on with your life with a
stronger determination than ever to be the person you want to be. Do not beat
yourself over the head with emotions of guilt. Get rid of your anger as quickly
as possible. Forget about the past. Get on with the rest of your life without
Revitalize those ambitions
that have been buried away in the back of your mind and consider this particular
time in your life as an opportunity for a new start. Do some introspection in
relation to success ambitions. Reorganize your time and efforts to attain those
objectives and go out with your might to get them.
After everything has been said
and done, it is up to you to carry on living. The easiest and most powerful way
of being happy is to believe in your abilities; disregard what everybody else
(especially your ex-spouse) is saying or have said about you. When things are
not quite right, the first thing that needs to be changed is your disposition -
your attitude, feelings about yourself and your emotional response to others.
Think about your facial expressions and the tone of your voice when you are
talking to other people. Remember that if you are friendly, polite, cheerful and
kind to others, most people will return the favour. Suddenly you fill feel
welcomed and your confidence will grow gradually.
While your confidence is
growing, try with all your might to forget about anything in your past that can
hinder your success. Anything and everything that happened yesterday is long
gone and cannot be changed. You have the rest of your life ahead; there is love,
happiness and prosperity ahead.
Whatever you want in life can
be yours. All that is necessary to realise any dream is a true understanding of
what you want and determination on your part to make it all happen as planned.
Think about what you want; prepare yourself to get it; focus on your efforts;
execute with vigour; sit back and enjoy the benefits because nothing succeed
So, the first thing in
rebuilding one's self-esteem - following a divorce or loss of spouse under any
circumstance - is to understand the hurt and what has to be done to regain
happiness again. It is essential that you think of YOURSELF in terms of the kind
of life you want.
In simple terms - it hurts but
you are not dead. You will only be wasting time by thinking of or rehashing the
past because you cannot change the past. The only viable option is to quickly
pick up the pieces and get on with your life.
By just having the desire to
live a successful life, half of the battle is won. The rest is planning; focused
attention; vigorous execution and the results will follow automatically.
Article by Katleho Leeuw.
Copyright © 2008 Goodtobest Publications